Movie Review: The Watchmen

When you've been with your husband for 10 years and he texts you and asks you on a date, you say "YES!". The date went fine, the movie however, was not. Hubby did not pick the movie, I sort of did and we agreed on it so the only people we can blame for wasting three hours (yeah, it's 3 hours...I had no idea) is ourselves.

We decided on the "superhero movie" because, well, you can't really go wrong with a "superhero movie" right? Even the not so good ones are entertaining and full of fights and special effects. The Watchmen, however, was a way to serious super hero movie. Let me put it this way; ever wonder what Superman, Batman, and Spiderman would do if they retired? Yeah. That's this movie.

Basically, during the opening credits you see some superheros in the 1940's rise to fame as The Watchmen and then one by one they are either killed, go insane, or retire completely. You then see the next generation rise up and retire. This is where the movie starts. It's 1985, America and Russia are in the middle of the cold war, Nixon is still president (???) because the superheros helped win Vietnam, and one of the retirees (Mr. Manhattan, a scientist who turned into a pretty hot naked blue guy who can manipulate matter after a nuclear accident) is working on developing clean energy to end our dependence on fossil fuels, etc. (Yes, we have been trying to deal with the fossil fuel mess for YEARS) One of the original superheroes gets murdered, another one is running around trying to convince the other retirees they need to find out who's behind it, and another one is super rich from exposing his true identity and marketing toys and such of himself. Anyway, all this stuff happens and it feels like the story is NEVER starting. Occasionally, the heroes have to pull out some old school moves to defend themselves, there is some super hero sex, and a lot of flashbacks.

I think they finally got to the plot the last 30 minutes or so. One of the retirees has gone rogue and is trying to cause a catastrophe ( I won't say why or there is NO point to watching it), and the remaining finally out of retirement heroes try to stop him. TRY.

None of the heroes except Mr. Manhattan really have any special powers besides speed and strength. It's about the closest thing to what I think it would be like if normal everyday people decided to put on a crazy costume and help out law enforcement.

None of the actors are recognizable, which is fine, but frustrating at the same time. There is full nudity quite often...Mrs. Jupiter gets it on with a couple people (nice to see natural breasts on screen for once), and Mr. Manhattan apparently does not care that his junk is swinging in the breeze the entire movie.

When the last thing you say is "Does this movie ever end?" and the first thing your husband says when it's over is, "Thank god that's over", its usually not a good sign. I could have been at home watching country week on American Idol, and being that is my least favorite week every year, I think that sums it up. Don't let the previews fool you. Those are literally the only cool super hero ish parts of the movie.

Babe, thanks for the date. Sorry the movie sucked.