51st Annual Grammy's Play by Play

So, hubby is off on a tow and won't be home until it's tomorrow so why not share my thoughts as I kill time watching the Grammy's?
Here we go. Ok, U2 is on. They are playing their new song about boots. Can't understand a word Bono is saying...must be why they have the lyrics on the screen behind him. Is he lip syncing? There is so much echo on the Grammy's compared to other award shows. Ooooh pretty rainbows spinning around behind them. Bono is wearing Herman Munster shoes, whoa. Kind of walking like him too.
OMG Whitney! She gets a standing O. Aww she has some weight on her...showing some leg, ok she's talking kind of slow...hmm. Maybe not at 100%, course, we don't know what all those drugs did to her brain. Sad. Ok, now Whitney is talking about Clive. He's so creepy. Yeah, Whitney is looking a litttle too perfect, hmm. Ouch oh she's having a rough time...hurry finish. Yay! Jennifer Hudson wins best R&B. She's gonna make me cry. That girl is tough...I couldn't do that after half my family is murdered.
The Rock delivers some really cheesy dialogue the best he can. He's super likable though, so whatever.
Now its JT talking about the general store and Al Green. Who wrote this crap? I really don't like JT's hair that short...the ceasar cut is so early 2000s. Boyz II Men?!Eek with JT and Al Green. OH this should be cool. JT's having fun...he needs to just sing, that's when he's the sexiest. Keith Urban gets a solo. Ok, seriously, BoyzIIMen could be anyone. They didn't get any screen time! Lame! There are only 3 of them...I heard a while back one of them had major back problems and couldn't even stand anymore.
Coldplay...ugh. Yes they are talented but they just don't do it for me. The lead guy is alone with his kiddie piano. Pretty colors on the piano. Matches his jacket. Whoa, where'd Jay Z come from? This parts pretty cool I guess. Haha, I just thought of Schroeder from Charlie Brown on his little piano. Oh, here's the rest of the band, lead guy skips over. Wow, Purple really bangin his drum. Omg, they look like crayons! Ok seriously, the lead guy, none of his clothes fit and I keep getting a flash of his hairy belly button. Eew. The Crayons harmonize at the end. Wow, they sound like a female choir. Trippy.
Carrie Underwood in the shortest dress ever. And you can see through the skirt. Wow, from Jesus Take the Wheel to Before he Cheats to a guy whose last name has slipped her mind. Fame will do that to you. I have to give it to her though. She is a great performer. On Idol she was so stiff and boring. Dude. That dress is so short. Oh look she has a hot blonde guitar player who seems to REALLY like her guitar.
Leann Rimes and Sheryl Crow come out in matching blue and give out a country award. Sugarland wins and the lead singer chick totally acts like a dork. A cute dork. She loves Paul McCartney, woo!
Duffy and Al Green sing a little and give out an award. Some old guys get really excited when Al sings. Duffy is cute. I hope she just starts singing Mercy and Donnie Wahlberg comes out and acts out wall sex with her. (if you aren't a fan, you will have no idea what I'm talking about, YouTube Donnie Wahlberg and Mercy) ANYWAY, the Crayon band wins song of the year and apologizes to Sir Paul for stealing his style.
Kid Rock. Hmm, singing an Amen song. Okaaay. All I think when I hear Kid Rock is boobs, bikinis and beer. This is different. Ok now the Sweet Home Alabama rip off song (which I like). Ok, now Kid is Rockin a little but I have no clue what he's singing. One of his background singers is channeling Tina Turner.
Miley and Taylor. As long as Miley stays on her stool and doesn't end up on the front of the stage on her spead knees I'll be happy. Cute song. I'd love it if I was 15. Taylor is cute. Miley looks like she's smelling something rotten while she sings. Seriously, look how she scrunches her nose. I'm not trying to be mean. If she was on Idol, Simon would call her on it. Aww they are bffs! Oh, I don't like how Taylor said "even OLDER". Just wait 10 years Taylor... old people win Pop collaboration on some song I've never heard.
Here comes Jennifer Hudson again. Very dramatic. Wow, this Grammy's has quite a church vibe this year. Aww she's crying again. Stop it Jennifer I can't take it. Just think, a few short years ago she was wearing horrible outfits on idol and now she's a Grammy winner.
JoBros and Stevie? Huh? Um ok. Ooh Steve sounds cool on the vocoder. All squeaky like the JoBros. EEEK (sorry, 11 year old me woke up for a minute) They always seem really nervous to me. Ok, that pink shirt and stuff looks kinda girly to me. 11 year old Myka says "shut up! they are cuuute" OMG JoBros swarm Stevie...ah don't hurt Stevie! Overall, good job. Much better than I've heard in the past.
Blink 182!!? Back together? Yay! And Travis looks good. Seriously? The Crayons won best Rock Album. Well, at least they know they don't totally rock. Modesty is good.
Katy Perry looks like a fruit basket! LOL LOVE the giant banana. I hate how she always sings this song (I Kissed a Girl) in a lower key live. She's so cute and fun and man would Joe love her outfit but hate those flats. I like the flats. They are practical. She has great boobs. Still love this song.
Whao, Kanye is totally giving me flashbacks of the first MTV Video awards in the 80's. HE even has Lionel Richie hair. That is one shiny jacket. Estelle seems very 1960's. Love this song (American Boy).
Awww, Adele won an award for Best New Artist and she's so nervous. Oh no. She's chewing gum....that dress makes her look old...aww don't cry. She said MUM. I love British accents (hi Logan). Hehe she's so cute!
Morgan Freeman says he's friends with Kenny Chesney. Sorry, but I've gotta fast forward. Way too country for me. Natalie Cole, Herbie Hancock and Puffy present an award. Natalie says they guys are cute twice. The old people win Record of the Year. Ok yay for them I guess.
Queen Latifah's looking good. She introduces the Rap Pack and MIA. And woah is MIA preggers! Um, my tv just went black and white. MIA...ok that outfit is horrible preggers or not. The Rap Pack includes Kanye, Lil Wayne, TI, and JayZ. I can't believe I got that right. I'm so out of the loop in hip hop these days. Lots of strobe lights. They are all rapping and attemting to sing and I'm bored. I just have to say that the tuxes and the black and white is not makin them seem more classy or whatever they are going for. They need to just be themselves. MIA was due today! Well, thank god she didn't go into labor. That would have been messy.
Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous...and she introduces Paul McCartney. Yay, he's doing Beatles stuff. Oh! He's with Foo Fighters. That's cool. Paul colored his hair, lol unless he's aging backwards. Wow, he looks really good actually. Dave is having a blast on the drums, lol. That was fun.
Jack Black kisses his father in laws butt and then gives John Mayer best Pop Vocal. Thank goodness John has his hair short. He looks spippy! lol.
LL! Still so sexy. Adele and Sugarland perfom...hmm. This should be interesting since I know NOTHING about either. Ok, they aren't performing together...one after the other. Sugarland blah. Adele has scary finger nails. She's so cute though. I got sick of seeing this song on the VH1 countdown. The girl can sing though. Oh, Sugarland is back. Now they are singing Chasing Pavements together.
Are you tired yet? I am. Oh, hubby is home. Well, the rest of this may not happen. Gwyneth is on. Sparkly god dress...and she announces Radiohead. Lead singer spazzin out. Sorry, not into...oh wait, I just saw a drum harness. Marching band geeks! OMG a tuba. What no clarinet? Just kidding. OMG he has a whole freaking marching band behind him. that's awesome for them. Can you tell I was a band geek? Lead singer is still weird though.
Samuel L. Jackson says something about Man Love and introduces TI and JT. JT is at the piano. I don't know this song, sorry. TI is rapping, coming out of the fog. Oh this is a serious song. There are gravestones in the background. They are saying something about Dead and Gone. Hmm. I think I really like this. Yeah, I can just see myself bumpin this in my old Maxima driving around Los Gatos with my blonde hair blowin in the wind, lol. Yeah, I like this. Too bad I don't know what its called.
Obama has two Grammys! Hmm. Just another reason to think he's cool.
Smoky and the last living 4 Tops guy are performing with NeYo and Jamie. Now, these guys are smooth...the rap pack could learn a thing or two. Aww, I love this! NeYo and Jamie fit right in. I love music. It doesn't matter how old someone is...it always makes them seem younger. Sugarpie Honeybunch! Woo! My foot is bouncing. Yay! That was great. Sir Paul loved it.
Crap my laptop battery is dying! Josh Groban is on and something is going to be so good so good. Neil Diamond? Oh god. I'm not going to say anything mean. This just really isn't my style. Unless he sings Coming to America. Touching me! Touching You! Sweet Caroline! Jeez. Haha. These are the 2009 Grammy's right? Now they are showing all the people that died this year.
BB King and John Mayer. I had a BB King cd when I was a band geek. Oh wait we also have Keith Urban and some other guy. That's what happens when you fast forward the Tivo.
What to do? My battery only has 20 minutes left and there are still 30 minutes left...and my Tivo is caught up. My butt is numb. Hubby is out of the shower. I'm gonna go. I'm sure you are bored of my ramblings any way. Things have kind of been boring since the giant banana. Gary Sinise just said Lil. HAHA. Lil Wayne and Robin Thicke. Man, weird combos tonight.
I gotta go. Battery warning just popped up. Just one last thing. Robin Thicke, you are no Jordan Knight.
Good night!