Today was our first monthly dinner...(yes we've had lunch a few times but those don't count, they have a time limit). It went well. I kept wanting to grab his hand like I always did but wasn't sure if I should. He looks well.
He actually beat me to my apartment. I was walking Tully and heard a man walking fast behind me and I jumped a little inside and it was him. So we walked Tully together. Tully was so happy to see his dad. He stood up on his little legs and licked dad's face. While we were walking, Tully kept turning around and looking at him like he couldn't believe he was with us.
So we walked and we talked. It was a little awkward...this time together without a time limit. We just talked about work and what we've been up to and the dogs. I held his arm for a little bit but didn't know if I should so I stopped.
He came in my apartment for a few minutes when we dropped Tully off. I showed him how I finally put some of my nice things on display in the cabinet he bought me five years ago. I showed him how I hung some pictures. He said it was nice to see. Tully sat on his lap on the couch for a few minutes and then had to say goodbye to his daddy when we left for dinner.
We had some Mexican food...split an appetizer and a meal like always. Talked more about what we're up to. I told him how I don't miss the dirt from his job, how I don't spend much time on the computer at home now, how I clean every Saturday morning and how I always felt overwhelmed with all his stuff when we were together. I told him I don't want to feel like that in the future. He said he never watches tv and doesn't miss it, he plays his Evony game every night on the computer, his dog is fully crate trained, kids still annoy him.
I tried to get into more serious stuff but he's not there yet. He's still adjusting to me not being around and hasn't really thought about us and what's going to happen. He still has hope. I of course, JUST WANT TO KNOW NOW OK I AM SO DONE WITH LONLINESS AND WORRYING AND WONDERING...but that's me. I am trying to give myself a break and not rush the process but it's so hard!
I don't know if I'll ever truly trust him. I don't know if I can live like that the rest of my life. I don't know if I'll let the relationship swallow me again without realizing it. I wanted to say these things but I can tell they'd fall on deaf ears because he's not there yet. So I'll just hold on to it...for now.
One time he smiled and oh...there are the eyes and smile I love so much and oh my god how did we get here I want my guy back and how did those eyes and that smile do those cruel things to me? Then the waitress offered him another Pepsi and even though he prefers Coke and our food was long gone he said yes..."let's relax and hang out a little while". It felt so good. I won't lie.
I said I had his favorite ice cream in the freezer at home and did he want to take it with him and he asked "Why?" Like why would I not want to have ice cream for him just in case...but then he wouldn't come back to the apartment because "that would be bad". Oh ok.
Now it's time to drop me off and suddenly tears are running down my cheeks and I'm so embarrassed and I blame hormones and he says it's ok, "I miss you too." and we kiss a few times and I bury my tears in his shoulder and oh...there is HIS smell, not as strong but it's there, and oh I miss it. So we say our goodbyes and I get out of the truck and walk away...and the moment I get in my apartment I fall apart because...how can I love someone so much still after everything and why oh why did this all happen? Please God, help us find a way to fix this! He is supposed to be in my life I can feel it in every cell.
Tully is licking my face because he doesn't like to see my cry...and John Mayer sings "Dreamin with a broken heart" in the background and I cry harder because I have been dreaming about him almost every night for a week. Showing me his new home, going on vacation together, making love, fighting, all of it...and I wake up and it sucks.
So...I made it through. I look like a wreck and my heart is in pieces but I'm still functioning. I don't know what is going to happen with us...that's the hardest part.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
20 Days
20 Days...that's how long I've been separated, "single", alone.
I'm actually doing okay.
I'm not going to lie. We do text each other daily. "Good morning" and "Good night" at a minimum. There are 143's and 823's (old pager code for I Love You and Thinking of You) and "miss you" 's in there too. Maybe we are breaking the rules of separation but whatever. It's our separation, not everyone elses.
So far I've realized I'm actually a pretty clean person. I guess he had most of the "stuff". I've realized I was in some kind of fog or daze. I have to do everything for myself now. I'm not waiting do make a decision so I can run it by him. I just do it. I no longer sit around wondering when I need to start dinner because nobody is coming home to cook for. I just make dinner. Speaking of dinner, I am actually cooking. I really thought I would eat out of a freezer all the time. I hooked up my own Internet, set up all my own utilities, pay the bills. I USED to do these things, then I let him. Well, time to be an adult again.
I get bored and it gets really quiet...except when Tully barks. It's lonely. It's weird not having someone to tell your daily accomplishments to. I'm definitely not someone who WANTS to be alone. Nope.
I'm a homebody. Even though technically I could be super social, I'm still just content to watch a DVD with a friend over going out and getting drunk.
Of course, the invites aren't pouring in. Strange...now that I did what everyone said I needed to do, people aren't checking up on me. My life is no longer a soap opera so I guess they've lost interest. Really nice huh? I'm glad you found me interesting for a while.
Nights suck. Going to bed alone sucks. I have to purposely try to NOT remember what it feels like to bury my face in his neck and fall asleep on his shoulder or I'm DONE. I'm sleeping better though. Sometimes I'll let Tully on the bed just to feel less alone. Waking up alone kinda sucks to because it reminds you you went to bed alone.
I have money. I'm not rolling in dough but my bank account is mysteriously staying comfortable above zero. Taking all that time to save up helped big time. So apparently I'm not so bad with my money. I'm sticking to my budget and may be able to pay off some debt now. He is not doing so well, in fact, he's looking for a second job.
In a way it sucks but his choices got him there. Maybe he'll appreciate me more if we give this another shot. I know the first night I was in my apartment he called what was happening "a nightmare". Good. Our life really wasn't so bad. A rut? Definitely...but not worth the pain and suffering and immaturity and tantrums.
I'm not going to lie. I want him back. I want US back. There are going to have to be some changes though and there is one I KNOW he won't like but he won't be surprised. First I need to go through this though...this ME time. Okay, not totally me time, me and Tully time (he really wants me off the computer).
Oh, and Tully and I walk twice a day and he's losing weight and I'm not. Little brat, lol.
There are days like today where I should be working out right now but I just can't find the drive to do it. So that's just me. I can't blame clutter or stress or time or he's going to be home soon, blah, blah. I'm updating you all instead. So, "Hey. I'm doing OK but not great. I'm doing it so I hope that's good enough."
Have a good night. Hug the people that live with you. It's really quiet without them.
Myka
I'm actually doing okay.
I'm not going to lie. We do text each other daily. "Good morning" and "Good night" at a minimum. There are 143's and 823's (old pager code for I Love You and Thinking of You) and "miss you" 's in there too. Maybe we are breaking the rules of separation but whatever. It's our separation, not everyone elses.
So far I've realized I'm actually a pretty clean person. I guess he had most of the "stuff". I've realized I was in some kind of fog or daze. I have to do everything for myself now. I'm not waiting do make a decision so I can run it by him. I just do it. I no longer sit around wondering when I need to start dinner because nobody is coming home to cook for. I just make dinner. Speaking of dinner, I am actually cooking. I really thought I would eat out of a freezer all the time. I hooked up my own Internet, set up all my own utilities, pay the bills. I USED to do these things, then I let him. Well, time to be an adult again.
I get bored and it gets really quiet...except when Tully barks. It's lonely. It's weird not having someone to tell your daily accomplishments to. I'm definitely not someone who WANTS to be alone. Nope.
I'm a homebody. Even though technically I could be super social, I'm still just content to watch a DVD with a friend over going out and getting drunk.
Of course, the invites aren't pouring in. Strange...now that I did what everyone said I needed to do, people aren't checking up on me. My life is no longer a soap opera so I guess they've lost interest. Really nice huh? I'm glad you found me interesting for a while.
Nights suck. Going to bed alone sucks. I have to purposely try to NOT remember what it feels like to bury my face in his neck and fall asleep on his shoulder or I'm DONE. I'm sleeping better though. Sometimes I'll let Tully on the bed just to feel less alone. Waking up alone kinda sucks to because it reminds you you went to bed alone.
I have money. I'm not rolling in dough but my bank account is mysteriously staying comfortable above zero. Taking all that time to save up helped big time. So apparently I'm not so bad with my money. I'm sticking to my budget and may be able to pay off some debt now. He is not doing so well, in fact, he's looking for a second job.
In a way it sucks but his choices got him there. Maybe he'll appreciate me more if we give this another shot. I know the first night I was in my apartment he called what was happening "a nightmare". Good. Our life really wasn't so bad. A rut? Definitely...but not worth the pain and suffering and immaturity and tantrums.
I'm not going to lie. I want him back. I want US back. There are going to have to be some changes though and there is one I KNOW he won't like but he won't be surprised. First I need to go through this though...this ME time. Okay, not totally me time, me and Tully time (he really wants me off the computer).
Oh, and Tully and I walk twice a day and he's losing weight and I'm not. Little brat, lol.
There are days like today where I should be working out right now but I just can't find the drive to do it. So that's just me. I can't blame clutter or stress or time or he's going to be home soon, blah, blah. I'm updating you all instead. So, "Hey. I'm doing OK but not great. I'm doing it so I hope that's good enough."
Have a good night. Hug the people that live with you. It's really quiet without them.
Myka
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Is the week over yet?
Sad right? It's only Tuesday and I'm wanting the week over. Well I guess the logical thing to do is say why. I'm not totally sure...I'm just wiped out!
Let's go back a couple weeks or so...
Last Wednesday my supervisor took me aside and informed me I was finally being taken off the front desk. Yippee! My new position would continue to assist Accounts Payable and inherit Facilities management. So for two days I was giddy but had to keep it hush hush. Yay, I get to keep helping AP and Yay, I'm going to be a manager of something!
Friday the official meeting happens. "Well, we let the AP guy go today and you and coworker 1 and 2 are going to absorb his tasks." So, now I feel like crap because a guy I've been working with since summer just lost his job. I keep smiling though. "You are going to take over your supervisor's facilities tasks as well." "So what will my new title be?" I ask. "Um, I don't know, make one up." Oh. Okay...but I continue my positivity, shake hands and say thanks. Right before everything is over something is mumbled about "temporary, a few months, we'll see how things go." EEW. I know what that means. It means "If we decide this was a totally stupid idea on our part you could be doing something completely different in a few months...or be unemployed."
Since then my super has said things like "My boss emphasized that I'm still Facilities Manager" (now she's not thrilled with this, it's her boss' paranoia or whatever) and "you are never going back to the front desk." I mean, that's good but now I don't have a safety net. "No the new receptionist won't be reporting to you."
So here I am 7 business days into the new job and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm trying to do the AP stuff I know, teach what I know to coworker 1 and 2, they are trying to teach me more about Accounting, AND I'm still covering the front desk because they haven't found my replacement.
On top of it all, an exec whined to my exec because I wouldn't do a task for her that was 100% her responsibility. So I've already been involved in a little spat. STRESS. I know I can do the job, if things settle down. Unfortunately, I don't know when that will happen.
AND THEN...
there is my personal life. Ten days ago I found an apartment, I gave them money, I applied, yet I wait for an answer. It's affordable housing...which means they have to investigate your entire financial life. It's insane. So, I'm going to be homeless in 3 weeks unless this place says yes or I go out and find something else.
AND THEN...
my significant other is acting like the guy I fell in love with. He even mentioned putting his ring back on. I mean, that's good right? NOW? Now that we are taking a break? It's making this whole thing much more emotional and a lot less fun. I mean, I want to get back together if things go right but I didn't expect the process to start before we even separated...ugh.
I'm tired, I'm stressed, I want to cry. I feel like my life is a snow globe and I'm stuck holding it looking in at the flurries with no way to settle it down. Crappy analogy but whatever.
Can't wait for WTF...
Let's go back a couple weeks or so...
Last Wednesday my supervisor took me aside and informed me I was finally being taken off the front desk. Yippee! My new position would continue to assist Accounts Payable and inherit Facilities management. So for two days I was giddy but had to keep it hush hush. Yay, I get to keep helping AP and Yay, I'm going to be a manager of something!
Friday the official meeting happens. "Well, we let the AP guy go today and you and coworker 1 and 2 are going to absorb his tasks." So, now I feel like crap because a guy I've been working with since summer just lost his job. I keep smiling though. "You are going to take over your supervisor's facilities tasks as well." "So what will my new title be?" I ask. "Um, I don't know, make one up." Oh. Okay...but I continue my positivity, shake hands and say thanks. Right before everything is over something is mumbled about "temporary, a few months, we'll see how things go." EEW. I know what that means. It means "If we decide this was a totally stupid idea on our part you could be doing something completely different in a few months...or be unemployed."
Since then my super has said things like "My boss emphasized that I'm still Facilities Manager" (now she's not thrilled with this, it's her boss' paranoia or whatever) and "you are never going back to the front desk." I mean, that's good but now I don't have a safety net. "No the new receptionist won't be reporting to you."
So here I am 7 business days into the new job and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm trying to do the AP stuff I know, teach what I know to coworker 1 and 2, they are trying to teach me more about Accounting, AND I'm still covering the front desk because they haven't found my replacement.
On top of it all, an exec whined to my exec because I wouldn't do a task for her that was 100% her responsibility. So I've already been involved in a little spat. STRESS. I know I can do the job, if things settle down. Unfortunately, I don't know when that will happen.
AND THEN...
there is my personal life. Ten days ago I found an apartment, I gave them money, I applied, yet I wait for an answer. It's affordable housing...which means they have to investigate your entire financial life. It's insane. So, I'm going to be homeless in 3 weeks unless this place says yes or I go out and find something else.
AND THEN...
my significant other is acting like the guy I fell in love with. He even mentioned putting his ring back on. I mean, that's good right? NOW? Now that we are taking a break? It's making this whole thing much more emotional and a lot less fun. I mean, I want to get back together if things go right but I didn't expect the process to start before we even separated...ugh.
I'm tired, I'm stressed, I want to cry. I feel like my life is a snow globe and I'm stuck holding it looking in at the flurries with no way to settle it down. Crappy analogy but whatever.
Can't wait for WTF...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Legion and a little WTF??
So, I went on a little movie date with my soon to be estranged husband a couple nights ago ( I know, I know, we are weird)...and we saw Legion.
Eh.
Wait! First a disclaimer: *I am not religious. I find religion to be contradictory, restrictive, hypocritical, and man made (hence making it pretty hypocritical since most religions seem to be "ruled" by some "laws" made by some higher power)HOWEVER, I do have FAITH. I do believe in a higher power. I just don't like someone telling me how and when and why to believe in that power. OK, so if you do follow a religion that works for you, fine. It doesn't bother me. Just don't try to force it on me OK?*
Wow, oops. Sorry. Back to the movie...anyway, how could I not like a movie about God sending angels to wipe out most of man kind because He's sick of us? I mean really...with scary effects and action and everything! I tend to enjoy anything that questions religion in one way or another. Well, I did like it BUT it had so much potential it did not live up to. First of all, it was only 1hr 40min. These days we are all used to 2hr+ mega movies. There was very little, if any, back story. Nothing was really explained. Here's what happens:
Angel falls to earth like one of the terminators, cuts off his wings.
The Apocalypse begins (chaos, explosions, looting,etc)
Cut to diner with pregnant smoker chick and her country friends
Crazy killer old lady scene
Angel shows up and says, your son will save mankind, God has lost hope.
Everyone is given and gun and they start shooting all the angel-possessed "people"
People die
Baby is born
Angels fight
God rethinks things...
The end
Here's the deal though...we never really find out WHY that baby is so important. I don't think he ever gets a name even. There is no back story as to why God decided to throw up his hands. I mean, I guess that could be obvious given the state of things but still.
It's not one of Dennis Quaid's shining moments for sure.
Verdict: not a total waste of money, but I'd wait for the DVD.
WTF?? Last night soon to be estranged husband confesses to having a dream about "his son". Interesting. In June he shouted something at me during a fight about never wanting kids. "Was I his mother?" Yes. "How old was he, a baby?" No, like four...and I loved him so much and couldn't wait to get home to hang out with him.
WTF?? Now that I'm leaving you are dreaming of children? Happy, loving dreams on top of it? Way to make a girl feel confused.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
To Blog or Not to Blog
Hi,
It's me. I'm not dead. Sorry it's been so long...it's just that well, the world is so screwed up and depressing do you really want to read about my also screwed up and depressing life? Probably not. I have what, like 6 followers? (Not that you don't matter *waving* Hi! I love you!) Let's just say, for the last year or so, the only blogging I've done has been OLD SKOOL, in an actual journal...with a pen. Yeah, I know.
I've thought about doing a quick book or movie review but my heart's just not in it. My heart has had quite the year...god, it's been almost a year of this craziness and chaos. Hmmm. Well, when I started this blog it was all YIPPEE!!! NKOTB!!!JOEY!!!EXERCISE!!! and a few "serious" topics, lol. Life was so simple and blond then. I say that because then I was blond and now I'm brunette and I'm different. I've grown up (thought I already was, apparently not) and I'm stronger (more bitter, ugh I want my fairy tales back!).
What the hell, I'm bored at work and reading Twitter and other peoples' blogs, might as well blog and let it all out there....
My marriage is "on hold". It's not over but, well, it's going on hiatus at least. My husband was stupid and did a lot of stupid things. I was oblivious. Oblivious is bad too though. I accept full responsibility for oblivious. You know, I thought, we had a wedding, we took vows in front of a lot of people, we have rings, I'm all set. Um...no. Well, yes, for me that all means exactly what it should but apparently he didn't quite absorb all that into his very soul like I did. And I didn't notice...oops. HE DIDN'T TELL ME THOUGH!
Guys, really...we ARE NOT psychic! I did ask..."is this ok, is that ok, how do you feel about that?" and he always smiled and was supportive. I guess inside he was miserable...for quite a while though. While I was chasing NKOTB and twittering and chatting,etc, he was finding his own distractions. I thought it was just work...it wasn't. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME!
Alas, it's all happened and we've screamed and yelled and walked out and cried and made love, tried(for the record he didn't try very hard) and given up over and over....and it's just time for a break. The love is still there though...at least we have that. So even though I didn't get what I wanted doing everything I was "supposed to do" (the most disappointing phrase in my entire life) now I'm going to do what most people don't have the guts to do...I am "leaving" my old life with the hopes that I'll still want him (and he'll still want me) in my new life.
Really, did you want to hear every depressing detail of my marriage falling apart over the last 10 months? Probably not. Now that it's inevitable and our landlord is getting notice this weekend, I don't see the harm in putting my business out there.
Joe and Myka Part One is coming to and end. It's okay, you should grieve if you feel the need. A lot of people have been and will. I know I know, "not Joe and Myka?! What!!?" Yeah, I feel the same way, sorry. For a while you will have to be okay with just Myka. Or Joe. Not Joe and Myka though, sorry. We are considering a sequel...if we can come up with a happy ending.
So, can you handle a spin off for a season, like "Myka, Princess of Power"? Only, without the cool sword and flying horse... (though I will have Tully, the wet nosed Wiener dog).
What do you think? Will Myka be able to cope on her own? We she go on crazy adventures or will she pine away for Joe, the love of her life? Will she try RED hair for a while? Will Joe desperately try to win Myka back or will he become a nomad? Wait and see...
It's me. I'm not dead. Sorry it's been so long...it's just that well, the world is so screwed up and depressing do you really want to read about my also screwed up and depressing life? Probably not. I have what, like 6 followers? (Not that you don't matter *waving* Hi! I love you!) Let's just say, for the last year or so, the only blogging I've done has been OLD SKOOL, in an actual journal...with a pen. Yeah, I know.
I've thought about doing a quick book or movie review but my heart's just not in it. My heart has had quite the year...god, it's been almost a year of this craziness and chaos. Hmmm. Well, when I started this blog it was all YIPPEE!!! NKOTB!!!JOEY!!!EXERCISE!!! and a few "serious" topics, lol. Life was so simple and blond then. I say that because then I was blond and now I'm brunette and I'm different. I've grown up (thought I already was, apparently not) and I'm stronger (more bitter, ugh I want my fairy tales back!).
What the hell, I'm bored at work and reading Twitter and other peoples' blogs, might as well blog and let it all out there....
My marriage is "on hold". It's not over but, well, it's going on hiatus at least. My husband was stupid and did a lot of stupid things. I was oblivious. Oblivious is bad too though. I accept full responsibility for oblivious. You know, I thought, we had a wedding, we took vows in front of a lot of people, we have rings, I'm all set. Um...no. Well, yes, for me that all means exactly what it should but apparently he didn't quite absorb all that into his very soul like I did. And I didn't notice...oops. HE DIDN'T TELL ME THOUGH!
Guys, really...we ARE NOT psychic! I did ask..."is this ok, is that ok, how do you feel about that?" and he always smiled and was supportive. I guess inside he was miserable...for quite a while though. While I was chasing NKOTB and twittering and chatting,etc, he was finding his own distractions. I thought it was just work...it wasn't. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME!
Alas, it's all happened and we've screamed and yelled and walked out and cried and made love, tried(for the record he didn't try very hard) and given up over and over....and it's just time for a break. The love is still there though...at least we have that. So even though I didn't get what I wanted doing everything I was "supposed to do" (the most disappointing phrase in my entire life) now I'm going to do what most people don't have the guts to do...I am "leaving" my old life with the hopes that I'll still want him (and he'll still want me) in my new life.
Really, did you want to hear every depressing detail of my marriage falling apart over the last 10 months? Probably not. Now that it's inevitable and our landlord is getting notice this weekend, I don't see the harm in putting my business out there.
Joe and Myka Part One is coming to and end. It's okay, you should grieve if you feel the need. A lot of people have been and will. I know I know, "not Joe and Myka?! What!!?" Yeah, I feel the same way, sorry. For a while you will have to be okay with just Myka. Or Joe. Not Joe and Myka though, sorry. We are considering a sequel...if we can come up with a happy ending.
So, can you handle a spin off for a season, like "Myka, Princess of Power"? Only, without the cool sword and flying horse... (though I will have Tully, the wet nosed Wiener dog).
What do you think? Will Myka be able to cope on her own? We she go on crazy adventures or will she pine away for Joe, the love of her life? Will she try RED hair for a while? Will Joe desperately try to win Myka back or will he become a nomad? Wait and see...
Monday, October 12, 2009
30
I've been planning on doing a blog about being thirty since well, I turned 30. I'm about to turn 31...yikes...so I guess I better share my thoughts, wisdom, etc soon.
The only thing is, when I planned on writing this blog, I was in a much different place mentally than I am today. This year has probably been one of the most eye opening of my life, to put it gently. I thought I was just going to make this happy list of how great it is to be thirty (mostly) but then life kicked me upside the head and made me grow up.
So here is my big revelation about being thirty; if life/God/the universe hasn't dropped a big bomb on you yet, it's going to. You can't stay in a fairy tale forever (that was me) as much as you want to. Now, I'm not saying lose touch with your childhood self by any means. I wouldn't trade all my NKOTB insanity this past year for anything. I'm just saying, don't assume that just because you are thirty, you've got it all figured out. Don't live in a fog. Keep your eyes open and if they aren't open yet, open them before something makes you do it. That's not fun. At all.
I HAVE gathered some wisdom about being thirty that is a little easier to swallow, so here it is:
1. Teenagers think you are old and you think teenagers are babies. Realizing that you actually contemplated getting naked with another teenager when you were a that young is pretty freaky because you now know, you knew NOTHING.
2. You will no longer be able to tell who is 21 vs. 25 vs. 32. This is because you don't really feel like you've changed much since you were about 25. It blows my mind every time an employee has a birthday and I assume we are close in age...it turns out he's only 22! Which means he was in like 6th grade when I finished high school.
3. You know exactly where all your wrinkles will be when you are 40 because they are now fine lines that will not go away.
4. You realize all that obsessing over your body, how you acted around others, if you were cool or sexy, was a big waste of time in your teens and twenties. You are great just the way you are. If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.
5. Everything you liked as a kid is now labeled "classic" or "retro". Teens are watching movie versions of it, wearing it on their Hot Topic tees, acting like they created it all while you think "Are they nuts? We did that 20 years ago!" (boys in neon high tops, really?)
6. By 30, you probably know who your real friends are because they are still around. That is awesome.
7. Women really do reach their sexual peak in their thirties...woo hoo!(If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.) I think it's more a mental thing than a biological thing...but that's just my opinion.
8. You start to realize why that "pervy older dude" or "creepy old lady" stared at you when you were younger. It's because you were young and hot and they still felt young and hot. Examples for me, Taylor Lautner and Zac Efron. Hotties...Taylor isn't even 18. Yikes.
9. It's time to make some big decisions and do something about it. You are going to be FORTY in ten years. Does twenty really feel that long ago? No, I didn't think so.
10. Suddenly, it's not totally weird to think someone 35-40 is attractive and a potential bf/gf/spouse. Oh wait...no that still feels weird. Unless it's like Joey Mac or Johnny Depp.
11. You can relate to your parents so much better now.
12. Every time you get carded for alcohol it is the coolest thing EVER. It's even cooler when the liquor store clerk looks at you like you are crazy because he KNOWS there is no way you are old enough to drink and then your license says 1978. Just smile.
30. Embrace it. Be ready for it.
The only thing is, when I planned on writing this blog, I was in a much different place mentally than I am today. This year has probably been one of the most eye opening of my life, to put it gently. I thought I was just going to make this happy list of how great it is to be thirty (mostly) but then life kicked me upside the head and made me grow up.
So here is my big revelation about being thirty; if life/God/the universe hasn't dropped a big bomb on you yet, it's going to. You can't stay in a fairy tale forever (that was me) as much as you want to. Now, I'm not saying lose touch with your childhood self by any means. I wouldn't trade all my NKOTB insanity this past year for anything. I'm just saying, don't assume that just because you are thirty, you've got it all figured out. Don't live in a fog. Keep your eyes open and if they aren't open yet, open them before something makes you do it. That's not fun. At all.
I HAVE gathered some wisdom about being thirty that is a little easier to swallow, so here it is:
1. Teenagers think you are old and you think teenagers are babies. Realizing that you actually contemplated getting naked with another teenager when you were a that young is pretty freaky because you now know, you knew NOTHING.
2. You will no longer be able to tell who is 21 vs. 25 vs. 32. This is because you don't really feel like you've changed much since you were about 25. It blows my mind every time an employee has a birthday and I assume we are close in age...it turns out he's only 22! Which means he was in like 6th grade when I finished high school.
3. You know exactly where all your wrinkles will be when you are 40 because they are now fine lines that will not go away.
4. You realize all that obsessing over your body, how you acted around others, if you were cool or sexy, was a big waste of time in your teens and twenties. You are great just the way you are. If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.
5. Everything you liked as a kid is now labeled "classic" or "retro". Teens are watching movie versions of it, wearing it on their Hot Topic tees, acting like they created it all while you think "Are they nuts? We did that 20 years ago!" (boys in neon high tops, really?)
6. By 30, you probably know who your real friends are because they are still around. That is awesome.
7. Women really do reach their sexual peak in their thirties...woo hoo!(If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.) I think it's more a mental thing than a biological thing...but that's just my opinion.
8. You start to realize why that "pervy older dude" or "creepy old lady" stared at you when you were younger. It's because you were young and hot and they still felt young and hot. Examples for me, Taylor Lautner and Zac Efron. Hotties...Taylor isn't even 18. Yikes.
9. It's time to make some big decisions and do something about it. You are going to be FORTY in ten years. Does twenty really feel that long ago? No, I didn't think so.
10. Suddenly, it's not totally weird to think someone 35-40 is attractive and a potential bf/gf/spouse. Oh wait...no that still feels weird. Unless it's like Joey Mac or Johnny Depp.
11. You can relate to your parents so much better now.
12. Every time you get carded for alcohol it is the coolest thing EVER. It's even cooler when the liquor store clerk looks at you like you are crazy because he KNOWS there is no way you are old enough to drink and then your license says 1978. Just smile.
30. Embrace it. Be ready for it.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Super quick book and movie review
I know, I know! I'm so lame right now...life is just kinda jacked up and I feel like all I do is talk about it so I've had very little desire to blog about it.
Let's see...a little normalcy has returned so I did finish a book and squeeze a movie in this past week.
The book is really old. I recently finished Firestarter by Stephen King.
Review: Good to great classic King. Read it, you'll like it. I believe there is a movie starring Drew Barrymore as the little girl.
The movie is Harry Potter 6.
Review: You can definitely tell it's the transition story in the series, so in that respect, it's just like the book. I thought the scene transitions were kind of crappy though. I just felt like it jumped from part to part...and it was still 2 1/2 hours. Don't get me wrong, it was a very enjoyable 2 1/2 hours. The hormones of the now grown characters provide a lot of laughs. I felt like they skimped out on the Tom Riddle memories though. I guess they chose to keep us more in the present and only show the vital memories to help us understand the two part finale we have to look forward to. Go see it. It won't be a waste of your money.
The end. Sorry, lame, I know.
Let's see...a little normalcy has returned so I did finish a book and squeeze a movie in this past week.
The book is really old. I recently finished Firestarter by Stephen King.
Review: Good to great classic King. Read it, you'll like it. I believe there is a movie starring Drew Barrymore as the little girl.
The movie is Harry Potter 6.
Review: You can definitely tell it's the transition story in the series, so in that respect, it's just like the book. I thought the scene transitions were kind of crappy though. I just felt like it jumped from part to part...and it was still 2 1/2 hours. Don't get me wrong, it was a very enjoyable 2 1/2 hours. The hormones of the now grown characters provide a lot of laughs. I felt like they skimped out on the Tom Riddle memories though. I guess they chose to keep us more in the present and only show the vital memories to help us understand the two part finale we have to look forward to. Go see it. It won't be a waste of your money.
The end. Sorry, lame, I know.
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