Is the week over yet?

Sad right? It's only Tuesday and I'm wanting the week over. Well I guess the logical thing to do is say why. I'm not totally sure...I'm just wiped out!

Let's go back a couple weeks or so...

Last Wednesday my supervisor took me aside and informed me I was finally being taken off the front desk. Yippee! My new position would continue to assist Accounts Payable and inherit Facilities management. So for two days I was giddy but had to keep it hush hush. Yay, I get to keep helping AP and Yay, I'm going to be a manager of something!

Friday the official meeting happens. "Well, we let the AP guy go today and you and coworker 1 and 2 are going to absorb his tasks." So, now I feel like crap because a guy I've been working with since summer just lost his job. I keep smiling though. "You are going to take over your supervisor's facilities tasks as well." "So what will my new title be?" I ask. "Um, I don't know, make one up." Oh. Okay...but I continue my positivity, shake hands and say thanks. Right before everything is over something is mumbled about "temporary, a few months, we'll see how things go." EEW. I know what that means. It means "If we decide this was a totally stupid idea on our part you could be doing something completely different in a few months...or be unemployed."

Since then my super has said things like "My boss emphasized that I'm still Facilities Manager" (now she's not thrilled with this, it's her boss' paranoia or whatever) and "you are never going back to the front desk." I mean, that's good but now I don't have a safety net. "No the new receptionist won't be reporting to you."

So here I am 7 business days into the new job and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm trying to do the AP stuff I know, teach what I know to coworker 1 and 2, they are trying to teach me more about Accounting, AND I'm still covering the front desk because they haven't found my replacement.

On top of it all, an exec whined to my exec because I wouldn't do a task for her that was 100% her responsibility. So I've already been involved in a little spat. STRESS. I know I can do the job, if things settle down. Unfortunately, I don't know when that will happen.

AND THEN...

there is my personal life. Ten days ago I found an apartment, I gave them money, I applied, yet I wait for an answer. It's affordable housing...which means they have to investigate your entire financial life. It's insane. So, I'm going to be homeless in 3 weeks unless this place says yes or I go out and find something else.

AND THEN...

my significant other is acting like the guy I fell in love with. He even mentioned putting his ring back on. I mean, that's good right? NOW? Now that we are taking a break? It's making this whole thing much more emotional and a lot less fun. I mean, I want to get back together if things go right but I didn't expect the process to start before we even separated...ugh.

I'm tired, I'm stressed, I want to cry. I feel like my life is a snow globe and I'm stuck holding it looking in at the flurries with no way to settle it down. Crappy analogy but whatever.

Can't wait for WTF...

Thoughts

It's been a quiet week. My brain has been really consumed with getting ready for my yearly review. My FIRST review. I've been really paranoid. I know why I've been paranoid; influence from another persons experience, the economy, and my own standards. I'm not going to give details on who the other person is. Let's just say they were really worried about their job for a long time last year and they eventually lost it. I was starting to think really weird things and imagine that people were talking about me and spying on me and crap. Really weird, I know. Now I know it was just anxiety. Second, the economy. People are losing their jobs everyday. Parents are murdering their kids. Of course that is going to have an impact on me. Work has been slower than I like...my brain likes to be busy. I get bored easily. (one of the reasons I'm trying Yoga...so that I can learn that it's okay to be "quiet") Not being super busy all the time was making me think I wasn't doing my job well even though I have no control over how much work there is.
End result...my review went really well and my boss is super happy to have me. It went so well, I almost gagged. But today I feel so much better.

So here's what's bugging me now; I'm taking care of myself, I'm saving for this awesome NKOTB girls weekend this summer, and I'm doing well at work...and my husband isn't exactly being as supportive as I like. He's totally annoyed with anything NKOTB related. I understand that. I've cut way back on even saying their name. He thinks I'm only working out for them and not him. No dear, I'm working out for ME. It's a bonus to be in my best shape when I meet NKOTB this summer. Would he want to look all fat and out of shape in front of Jessica Alba? Don't think so. He tells me I'm beautiful no matter how I look so that doesn't motivate me. I txt'd him yesterday as soon as my review was over that it went really well. I never heard back. He got home from work...didn't say anything. I had to bring it up.

I just wish he understood that more than anyone else, I want to feel like he's proud of me. He's the guy that convinced me I could learn to skate, to drive a stick shift, and to drive an ATV. He's always been my biggest cheerleader. Lately, not so much. I mean, I know my life is pretty dull, but still.

Am I making too much of this? You tell me.

On a happier note: Our trip to Disneyland is all set. We found a little hotel close by for $50 a night so we are staying 5 nights instead of four. I am so excited! It will be the most time we've spent alone since our honeymoon.

New White Rapper, Miracles, and Everyday Life

I literally just found this...I'm not going to bash on the guy because I think going out of your way to be mean to something is a waste of energy most of the time. Just so you know, supposedly the bearded guy is Joaquin Pheonix and he's retiring from acting to rap.



The Hudson River crash-Is it really a miracle? That's what I've been hearing it being called. I don't really think trained professionals following procedure, a talented pilot, and passengers helping each other out is a miracle. Have we lost faith in our fellow man that much?

Everyday Life- My job is so boring lately. I'm not complaining that I have a job. Being bored and being paid is much better than being bored at home not being paid. I'm still allowed to want more out of life right? I mean, I have a degree and I'm 30 years old now. Shouldn't things be going a little better? I know I am capable of so much more. Then again, wasting energy on something its really hard to care about is difficult. I didn't grow up saying, "I wanna be a receptionist!"

My grandma will be 90 in April. She's an amazing lady. She still takes care of herself, drives herself, and cooks lunch for her family every Sunday. Lately, though, she seems to be getting more tired. She can't walk daily like she used to. In fact, she's not walking at all anymore. It scares me. It makes me feel guilty I haven't had a grandbaby for her. Plus one of my friends just lost her 90 y.o. self sufficient grandma because of a freak accident. Life goes by so fast. If you are lucky enough to still have a grandparent...call them...visit them...tell them you love them. My Sundays are priceless.

I made salsa last night...and it actually came out good! I was so proud of myself. Thanks Betty Crocker!

Last but not least, I bit the bullet and bought my tickets to Disneyland. Hubby and I are going right after Valentines Day to celebrate 10 years together. We've never been there together. We want to go act like kids before there are actual kids in the picture.

One more day, no more Bush!

Myka