Thoughts

It's been a quiet week. My brain has been really consumed with getting ready for my yearly review. My FIRST review. I've been really paranoid. I know why I've been paranoid; influence from another persons experience, the economy, and my own standards. I'm not going to give details on who the other person is. Let's just say they were really worried about their job for a long time last year and they eventually lost it. I was starting to think really weird things and imagine that people were talking about me and spying on me and crap. Really weird, I know. Now I know it was just anxiety. Second, the economy. People are losing their jobs everyday. Parents are murdering their kids. Of course that is going to have an impact on me. Work has been slower than I like...my brain likes to be busy. I get bored easily. (one of the reasons I'm trying Yoga...so that I can learn that it's okay to be "quiet") Not being super busy all the time was making me think I wasn't doing my job well even though I have no control over how much work there is.
End result...my review went really well and my boss is super happy to have me. It went so well, I almost gagged. But today I feel so much better.

So here's what's bugging me now; I'm taking care of myself, I'm saving for this awesome NKOTB girls weekend this summer, and I'm doing well at work...and my husband isn't exactly being as supportive as I like. He's totally annoyed with anything NKOTB related. I understand that. I've cut way back on even saying their name. He thinks I'm only working out for them and not him. No dear, I'm working out for ME. It's a bonus to be in my best shape when I meet NKOTB this summer. Would he want to look all fat and out of shape in front of Jessica Alba? Don't think so. He tells me I'm beautiful no matter how I look so that doesn't motivate me. I txt'd him yesterday as soon as my review was over that it went really well. I never heard back. He got home from work...didn't say anything. I had to bring it up.

I just wish he understood that more than anyone else, I want to feel like he's proud of me. He's the guy that convinced me I could learn to skate, to drive a stick shift, and to drive an ATV. He's always been my biggest cheerleader. Lately, not so much. I mean, I know my life is pretty dull, but still.

Am I making too much of this? You tell me.

On a happier note: Our trip to Disneyland is all set. We found a little hotel close by for $50 a night so we are staying 5 nights instead of four. I am so excited! It will be the most time we've spent alone since our honeymoon.