The Welcome Picnic at work I planned went off without a hitch. Supposedly people were even complimenting how it turned out. That is a huge relief since I have zero experience planning events besides my um, wedding...moving on! We don't have an events team at Sugar so basically whenever the company does anything fun it's up to the admins, Facilities and HR. That's a total of 4 people at our company. Yep. So now I'm responsible for two more summer events to which my sister asked, "So you're the Events team now?". Uh, yeah. See she is on Verisign's Events TEAM. She gets paid way more than I do to do it.....The Chinese employees arrived and are all settled in which is nice. I get a couple of mellow weeks this month and then I get to deal with end of quarter with accounting. Yippee. The excitement of dual roles never ends!
Other than all that it's been a rough couple of weeks. I am feeling really hopeless about my future. Basically all I see right now is A)things working out in my marriage and my life changing pretty dramatically or B)ending up alone because I totally suck at getting to know new people especially guys. I mean, I'm not 21 anymore so it's not like I have all these available single people to hang out with to meet other single people. I have a bunch of coupled up 30 something friends and family, that despite all their declarations of "We'll have parties and we'll do this and that with you!" aren't really doing that. I'm not surprised and I bear no ill will. I don't expect them to leave their mates home alone to be with me all the time. I think they didn't realize what they were saying when my couple hood took a dive.
I know, I know. Being a victim is lame. I am trying hard not to be. It's just been tough lately. He is feeling pressured though I'm not intentionally being impatient. I'm just lonely. I love him you know? He's making progress but it's slow. It may be worth the wait...that's what I hang on to. Don't think I'm just pining away not considering alternatives. I am. I have days where I wonder if I really want to give this another go and days where I'm completely certain this person is supposed to be in my life.
My days are becoming so robotic and I worry I'm getting OCD or ADD or something. I think about each of my meals before I even get out of bed (I mean, what else do I have to do?) I have to have my phone and itouch with me at all times or I feel all disconnected from the world even if nobody is calling/txting/twittering me. I bounce around from one thing to the next in my apartment trying to keep it just right. I've started weighing myself daily which I know is totally weird and pointless. I can't go one day without logging my calorie and exercise. At first it was just to lose a couple pounds (which I did yay) and getting a better grip on what I put in my body. Now I feel a little anxious if I don't record it. Uh oh. Not good right? Sis says "stay skinny" and called me a "hottie" (so weird since she's the family hottie). He said I'm too thin and to eat more. I think he's just worried or worried I'm too hot (oh snap! lol).
To put it out there, I'm 4'10" and weigh 100.5lbs. A completely healthy weight for me. I exercise about 30 min a day and eat 3 meals plus snacks so no, I'm not going to become anorexic or something. I love food too much and I will never love exercise that much.
I just don't really like how my thoughts are right now. I think it's me trying to control what I can control since my marriage is so out of control? I don't know...My life is in limbo and it's really frustrating.
Anyway, off to go walk Tully, do my workout, get ready for lunch at grandma's...(see there I go making a list again)
Hi Myka! Isn't the sunshine a wonderful thing, I just wish it was already in the high 90's! Oh and thank you for the comments! I was able to publish one, but my lovely daughted was nice enough to bang on the key board and reject the other one for me! lol!
ReplyDeleteCan you believe it has been six years since Xander was born! Seems like it wasn't that long ago he was just a tiny (well, not so tiny) baby :) Honesly, he is growing up way too fast for me! Already a first grader and incredibly smart, he even has all the cute little girls folling him around!